Being Embry Call
by Leiaaa
Summary: Leah used to be the beautiful sweetheart of La Push but hate and bitterness pushed her over the edge. Leah's fall from grace told from Embry's prospective. What does Embry think of Leah? Find out here.


**Obligatory Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Leah Clearwater _was_ the subject of each and every one of my adolescent fantasies. Hell, back in the day, she was probably the subject of every guy's fantasies.

La Push is a small place with about 750 people, so it's not like we get much variety around here. Even then, Leah Clearwater was always so much more beautiful then any other girl I'd ever seen – on TV, in magazines; anywhere. I know for a fact both Jared and Paul used to think less then pure thoughts about her. Used to drive Sam insane, us accidentally thinking of her face, her silky long hair, full lips, big dark eyes, and her perfectly formed body—_she had the best damn body._

It wasn't long before Sam and Paul had it out over the whole thing, because Paul had planned to move in and pick up the pieces of Leah's broken heart. He figured he'd look like some sort of a savior and Leah would totally have sex with him because of it. Sam warned him to stay away from Leah, that she wasn't like that. But Paul told Sam that Leah was no longer his business after he'd shacked up with Leah's cousin.

That's when Paul got a royal ass-kicking from Sam. After that, Sam ordered all of us to stay away from her. Jacob and Quil got the same order when they joined the pack—not that Jacob needed it, he had another girl on his mind.

When Leah joined the pack I still found myself thinking about her, even after I knew exactly how messed up she was. It was impossible not to think about Leah Clearwater when she was around all the time, wearing little or no clothing.

We all tried not to look when she was naked because she'd claw our eyes out if we did. But I wasn't always successful at not looking. After all, I had the naked body of a goddess—Leah Clearwater—standing right in front of me. How could I _not_ look? I was a 16-year-old guy, nearing my sexual peak.

Needless to say, Leah didn't like me much. Actually she didn't like any of us very much. She hated the new situation she found herself in—being the only girl in a group of guys which included her ex-boyfriend and her little brother, all of which could read her mind.

It turned out that she didn't hate being naked in front of us as much as she hated sharing all of her private thoughts. Even more, she hated knowing exactly how Sam felt for Emily, and that—even at its height—Sam's love for Leah paled in comparison. Leah felt like she was trapped in her own personal hell and she wasn't quite sure what she'd done to deserve it.

At first, she focused all her energy in making Sam miserable. She attacked from every angle, reminding him about how much of a bastard he was for what he'd done to her. Brought up each and every one of the promises he'd ever made, and broken. Reminded him that she gave him what she held most sacred—her virginity—after years of his relentlessly begging for it, swearing up and down he'd never hurt her. It didn't matter that Sam had no other choice; that he'd imprinted on Emily. It didn't even matter that Sam still loved Leah and, at some level or other, still wanted to be with her, was miserable without her.

As far as she was concerned, Sam could burn in hell with her. Leah went out of her way to make his day-to-day life miserable (although, we all felt it, but only indirectly).

After a while Sam retaliated, or at least that's how I saw it. Sam was sick of apologizing for living, and he knew some of us were starting to question his leadership since he was all but letting her run the show. He'd had enough of her 'temper tantrum', as he put it, so he did what he felt he needed to do. He ordered Leah to cut her hair—something she swore she'd never do. Sam did it because he needed to break her spirit, to show her who is in charge.

Leah cut her hair, begrudgingly, because she had to—there's no getting around an Alpha's orders. She cried on and off for a few days. Some of the guys—Paul especially, although he was just mad that she'd kicked his ass a few days earlier—thought the whole situation was funny and that she deserved what she got.

Leah didn't like that much.

A normal person would have backed off. A rational person would have stood in line. Leah was neither rational nor normal at that point. Leah went for the jugular ("Hell hath no fury…"). The Bitch went after all of us, trying to bring the pack down from the inside. She was frighteningly good at what she was doing and the psycho got pleasure from it. She was bat-shit-crazy and we all knew it—she knew it and she didn't care.

I stopped having fantasies about Leah Clearwater after she went after my mom and me. She called my mom a whore for sleeping with a married man. She had the nerve to call me a bastard of a cheating son of a bitch. Even asking me who I thought my real brother was—Sam, Jacob or Quil.

I wasn't the only one who was affected by her merciless taunting either. Sam, Jacob and Quil were all tormented by thoughts of their fathers being unfaithful to their mothers. Leah was especially pleased to see that Sam suffered worst of all because he couldn't help but think it was definitely his father who'd cheated.

Even though Joshua Uley abandoned his family before most of us were walking, his reputation was still well known around town. Everyone knew his father was a drunken asshole who'd do such a thing to his mother. Sam started to have issues with me because he couldn't help but think his father might have stuck around if my mom hadn't been such a slut, consequently ruining his parent's marriage. Jacob tried his best to defend me but he also had his reservations.

She had other tricks up her sleeve, equally as malicious as what she pulled on me—repeatedly, might I add. Her attempts at revenge were all triumphant. She kept it up, quite successfully, until the battle with the army of newborn vampires.

That day she almost died, but instead of letting her die Jacob saved her. It was strange because we all wanted him to save her, and he wanted to. By that point I didn't think any of us, besides Seth, actually cared for her enough to actually want her to live. But that's the weird thing about being part of a pack, we all still love each other because we are connected, like family.

After sort of having her ass handed to her through being saved—by Jacob, no less—she simmered down a little. Self-loathing kicked in and Leah became angst-ridden and just regular pissy. Of course we pitied her, how could we not? She went from being beautiful Leah, sweetheart of La Push, to a crazy-ass bitch that nobody really liked all that much.

Her self-loathing got old really fast and we started to hate having her around, especially after Jacob disappeared. Even Sam wished she'd leave.

One night, while she and I were on patrol together, I noticed a significant change in her. Though, by that point, none of us really communicated with her directly unless we had to, so things were pretty quiet on my end. She was doing her thing—the whole 'woe is me' act—and I was trying my best to ignore her.

She didn't hold back because it was clear she'd finally been broken, and she didn't seem to care if I was a witness to her complete undoing. But honestly, I don't think she was all that aware of my presence because of the state she was in.

I saw everything—_EVERYTHING_—all she'd been feeling, but on a whole new level. I understood it; _I understood her_. Beneath her anger and hatred there was a whole lot of sadness, and for a good reason. She was so lonely; completely heart broken and she missed her dad so much.

Beside Sam, Harry was everything to her, because—unlike Sue—he always believed in her and he loved her unconditionally. She was ashamed of herself because she knew her father would be incredibly disappointed with the person she'd become.

Leah seriously considered ending her life that night. She thought about it at length, all the different methods, which one would actually be successful for a person that heals quickly. She became hopeful when she thought of a method which would most-likely work—she was going to hang herself. The only reason she decided not to go through with it is because her father wouldn't want her to do such a thing, and she knew it.

The sorrow that Leah felt—by not being able to escape this life on her terms—was heart-wrenching.

I transformed back to my human-self soon after that. I couldn't stick around any longer, even though I was supposed to be on patrol. I just left Leah there, all alone, because I was overwhelmed by all she was feeling.

Being in her head, like that, was debilitating and I thought my head was going to explode.

During my walk home, I thought about it what it would be like to have all that crap going on in my head all the time. I decided that I'd probably inflict my pain on others, much like she had. And for once I didn't blame her for being a complete psychopath, although it still didn't make her actions right.

When I got home I found my mother drunk and passed-out on the ground, surrounded by photographs of herself; photos of her before she got pregnant with me. I'd seen all of those pictures before, a hundred times, but this time they looked different. This time I saw the beautiful Leah Clearwater staring back at me—smiling and having fun with her high school friends; untouched by a world of legends and magic. As I carried my drunken mother to her bedroom that night, I looked and her and saw a future Leah. Something about the image caused me to be overcome with emotion.

I went to my room and actually grieved for Leah Clearwater—for her stolen future. And really, I grieved for all of us—the whole pack. We were all living lives we weren't meant to lead. And Leah especially had been robbed out of a good life, I was sure.

Before the leeches came to town Leah was a good person who actually deserved to lead a happy life. The vamps presence was the catalyst, what set off a hideous chain of events for all of us.

I forgave Leah that night, even though she hadn't asked for my forgiveness. I couldn't hold a grudge against her, not anymore. Also, more then anything, I wanted to pick up all the pieces of Leah's shattered heart and put it back together; I wanted to fix Leah Clearwater, restore her to her original state—like how a work of art is restored after it's been deteriorating for years. The thing is, it's not like I was in love with her or anything. I just wanted to see her be beautiful again—inside and out.

I was civil to her from that time on. She didn't seem to sense any change in me, probably because I typically flew beneath the radar. The cool thing was that she seemed to be doing okay. I imagine that horrible night must have been a turning point of sorts.

Anyway, one day she discovered that she was faster then us, every single one of us, and that made her happy—truly happy, for the first time in a long time. It was cool to see her be more confident, less of a pain and more tolerable for everyone.

Soon after Jacob came back to La Push and it was the first time since Leah joined the pack we seemed somewhat united. Unfortunately the feeling was short-lived.

That Bella-girl came back from her honeymoon knocked up with devil spawn, and all hell broke loose. Sam ordered us to attack but Jacob and Seth didn't want to. Jacob surprised us all by evoking his birth-right as Alpha and took off with Seth on his tail. The rest of us mourned them, as though they died because that's exactly what it felt like—they were no longer part of our pack.

After that, Sam doubled the patrol and ordered the rest of us home. Before we phased to go home, I could sense Leah's panic; her fear for her little brother. She wasn't sure how she'd tell her mother. Before she figured things out Leah phased back into her human-self. The next day, we all discovered she'd left, too.

I felt her loss more then I felt at losing Jacob, and I wasn't quite sure why. Sam sensed how I was feeling and he went ape-shit. He wouldn't even let me go on patrols anymore, ordered me to stay home because he was afraid I'd desert the pack, too.

The next week was hell. I was bored out of my mind and worried about Jacob and Leah—especially Leah. Quil was able to go with Jared to meet with Jacob and his new pack and he said that they all looked okay but he said that they were obviously living out there, and for some strange reason they were protecting the leeches.

It wasn't until the treaty had been renegotiated and eventually Quil and I were able to join Jacob's pack, that I'd felt any relief. It was good, being part of the new pack, the Alpha not feeling the need to order everyone around. I liked being with my real friends, even though Jacob and gone and imprinted on the hybrid while I was imprisoned on La Push.

Leah was a different person; she was content in Jacob's pack. Jacob made her his Beta and she was quite good at it. Leah was happy. She was free of Sam and free of his thoughts. The only part of her that was still struggling was her heart. She wanted to move on, to become a person her father would be proud of, but her heart was holding her back and she knew it.

After the so-called "battle" with the volturi vampires was over, Leah asked Jacob if she could spend some time _not _being a wolf, and he said that would be fine. She also mentioned that she wanted to leave, possibly for good and Jacob gave her permission so long as she promised to come out of retirement if she was ever needed. Leah agreed to his one condition.

From that time, about two weeks, Leah and I have spent just about every day together. It's been fun - making her laugh, seeing her smile again - I've enjoyed every minute of it. It turns out I'm in love with Leah.

I don't know exactly when I fell in love, and I don't know how, but I fell hard. I love her so much it hurts to be apart from her. I want to tell her how I feel and I want her to love me in return. I want to take her in my arms and kiss her like she's never been kissed. Kiss her so well that she'll forget about Sam. I want to spend the rest of my natural life with her, but I can't. I can't do any of those things because my imprint is out there somewhere, just waiting for me to set eyes on her so I might worship her for the rest of her friggin' life.

I hate my imprint, whoever she is. It's because of her I'll never be able to be with the girl I really love.

**A/N: I had a unique experience while writing this, which, by the way, was just meant to be a writing exercise. This was written in an attempt to get into Embry's head, as I needed to for a Twilight long fic I was writing at the time. **

**Anyway, as I sat down and started typing, it was like I was channeling Embry Call—as interpreted by me, obviously. But still, never before and never since have I had a similar experience while writing. It was amazing. And so, I decided to share this with everyone, even though this isn't a masterpiece—by any stretch of the imagination. But it is special to me. **


End file.
